Quirky or Just Lazy?

On a specific calendar, I keep milestones, home maintenance records, and keep track of goals.  For example, I know that on Dec 27th, I got my car oil changed, on Jan 1st I changed my home air filter and Brita water filter.    I hiked on Jan 22 and 29th, and went to the temple on Jan 21 and 27th.  I also know that on Feb 4th, the paramedics were called on me and on Feb 8th,  I got a new cable modem from the Cox repairman.  Etc. etc. 

Why share this quirky part of my life?  Because it leads to my next character flaw:  I know that the last time I vacuumed and mopped my floors was Dec. 30.  Yes, you read that right - DECEMBER 30.  Tomorrow begins March.  Now I realize that I live alone, am rarely home, and to look at my house it 'appears' clean.  But if one were to spend a little time - one would see a layer of dust on each surface, especially the darker wood furniture and ALL the blinds (oohhh, the blinds...) as well as realize that the carpet lacks its luster (I only have carpet in my bedroom, the loft, and the stairs, but still..) 

Why don't I vaccuum more often?  Well, I don't own one anymore.  About a year ago, my old vaccuum I bought at Goodwill several years ago went kaputz.  I don't have that much carpet, and I don't vaccuum often enough to warrent spending good money on another one.  So, every so often, I drive down 5 doors, borrow Shan's - put it in my car - take it home, suction every piece of dust and dirt possible, and drive it back.  In December, I actually brought over my mom's vaccuum for the day.  They are so kind to let me borrow theirs (both have awesome vaccuums!) 

The question is...when my own vaccuum worked, did I use it more often?  I wish I could say yes, but I don't think so.  You see, growing up, we kids would wake up on Saturday mornings with a slight groan - CLEANING DAY.  We'd go through the same routine - Mom letting us watch a cartoon or 2 on the TV, have breakfast, and say the following mantra:  "If you'll just give me an hour of your time...."  There was rarely a "THEN" part to the sentence.  She'd slyly disappear upstairs and chat long distance with her sisters as we slaved away cleaning the entire house.  I loved rearranging the furniture!  But it never just took an hour and even with the music blaring to give us some momentum, I never enjoyed cleaning house.  To this day, I avoid cleaning my house on Saturday mornings.  I will dust or clean bathrooms at night or even avoid it all together for way too long, but to give up a good Saturday cleaning is painful.  It goes back to my roots, I affectionately admit.  I am very busy, but not busy enough to pay someone to clean it for me!!!!  I guess it will always be one of those things....

Serious Soul Spillage - cont-

DEEP THOUGHTS - DISCLAIMER

None of the following is meant to offend or make anyone feel bad. 

My words are insufficient for my true thoughts.

This is a quasi-journal entry. 

~And there are no pictures...sorry!~

I was just thinking today how lucky I am to be working where I am.  It has not been an easy change emotionally, but one I'm still glad I made.  I got word that my previous principal signed her retirement papers.  I've had people ask me if I'm second-guessing leaving when I did.  I have to honestly say, NO, although I still really miss my friends there.  When I look back at the last several challenging months, I realize several things have contributed to my growth as a person, which would not have occurred had I remained in the situations at my previous school.

1.  Appreciation from higher-ups.  I guess I never realized how important that can be - to receive words of gratitude from my boss, my colleagues, the parents, and the students - and much more frequent than before.  I loved working with so many friends at my previous school and felt appreciated by my friends and several of the families there, but there's just something different in the air here.  The teachers don't necessarily 'need' me here, but they appreciate what I can do - even the little things.  And I appreciate how they teach my ELL students.  It's a very 'gracious' school and they notice and give praise to each other.  Appreciation - something to consider.

2.  Judging people.  Being at a new school, you have to learn what's called the 'hidden culture' or 'hidden rules' of the school.  This is accomplished in several ways:  Trial and Error, Ask the Audience, Phone a Friend, Stand Back and Observe, Read Between the Lines, and Lots of "Oh, I didn't know - I apologize."   I have learned who to ask which questions to, who will know certain things and who will not, who reads their emails and who does not, and who has big mouths and who is confidential.  I have to say that as the months have passed, I've been quite observant with those around me.  First impressions have changed, observations have lead to judgements or supporting, and I am very aware of being 'sized-up.'  But for the most part, I have come to realize that everyone has their own issues, quirks, talents, expectations, humor, tolerance, experiences, goals, etc.  The more you get to know people, the more you either like or dislike them.  I really enjoy working with my new staff.  As a whole, they are incredible.  Individually, they are entertaining, intelligent, supportive, kind, hard-working people who slowly, I am able to call 'friends.' And my boss is the hardest person working there - I've never seen a principal so involved - 24 hours a day.   

3.  Judging myself.  I have a doctorate degree in critically judging myself.  I've worked hard over the years to maintain those credentials!  But I am slowly learning that I need to ease up on the self-criticism because it overruns my mind and warps my sense of reality.  Sounds a little psycho, but sometimes it feels like I've lost my marbles.  I am my own worst Simon Cowell - and have a hard time just congratulating myself for a job well done or the fact that I tried my best.  I do, say, or accomplish something and turn around to think about what I should have done or said better.  Why can't I just let it go?   I have a hard time just saying "thank you" to a compliment or congratulations.  Having to create my new 'persona' at a new school - who is RC and what is she all about and what good is she - kind of thinking - is always in the middle or back of my mind.  I wish I was more like some of my good friends who do things and move on.  I wonder if I will ever get to be like them in that area.  And I wonder what I'm supposed to learn about being self-judgemental that I haven't yet.  As soon as I learn it, I can quit doing it and move on to another annoying habit!

4.  A friendship is born:  When you find someone who paddles a similar kayak, you become fast friends.  (I'm fortunate to have several friends closeby in similar singular kayaks...and am sooo thankful for them!)  I had the pleasure of having lunch and a great, long chat with the one person I consider a new "friend" at work.  She is talented, intelligent, beautiful, atheletic, has a strong same faith as me, and has been a real blessing to me there on several levels.  We have engaged in a few 'chats' about life topics over the months, as she has experienced some very difficult losses in recent years and I have sooo appreciated her perspective and willingness to 'process' with me.  My friend, who is now 40, has never been able to have children.   My heart aches for her.  I think that is one of the ties we share that links us together as fast friends.  I have similar feelings about never having a child, and I have an added layer of never having found someone who could accept and love me for who I am.  She is fortunate to have an incredible husband and they are besties - love doing all the same things together.  Sooo lucky!   She is faithful in her callings and service in the church as well as to her small extended family.  What a great example to me she has been.  No one who has married and/or had children can understand to the level that my friend, and other friends in similar situations, can regarding the feeling of loss.  But on Tuesday, having lunch with my good colleague, she shared some tender feelings that only we could understand and I believe our friendship was strengthened.   My heart was touched in a selfish way - it's been a while since I was someone's sounding board regarding deep feelings and emotions.  I so appreciate her being there everyday - for laughing with me, supporting me, helping me, explaining things to me, planning with me, playing at recess with me, and especially for her countenance.  When you've been paddling your own kayak for a long time, it's nice to find someone to paddle next to and keep each other company when the waves (and strange creatures) come!  Bad metaphor, but I'm tired.  Just wanted to get some of this down before I forgot.  I am one of the fortunate ones who has a number of supportive single kayakers right around me.  For some reason, it makes the sting that comes around sometimes a little less painful.

5.  I have so much to be thankful for:  that's a whole other blog topic for another time.  But for the most part, I am very content with my life, am thankful for my family, my friends, my job, my house, my car, my church family, my love of travel and people who will do that with me, and so on..... I can't complain - especially when I look around.

Well, that was a lot of soul spillage.  But I'm finding that people want to know the real me - not the persona I project.  So for those who read (and stalk) my blog, this might have been quite insightful...or not.  It wasn't for you.  It was for me. 

Turtlehead Eludes Us...



Our goal - Turtlehead Peak at RedRock
Remember these white rocks as we get higher...

Today's attempt to climb Turtlehead Peak for the first time proved to be more difficult in the COLD and clouds. We made it up probably 3/4 the way (about 2 miles up) - VERY high - and lost the trail(s) and as the clouds began to descend upon us, we decided to call it a day and head back down. It was a beautiful hike, though - a steady incline, then some rock scrambling and more incline. We thought the descent would be more painful on our toes, but it was our knees that took the brunt of it.  It wasn't until our way down that we saw people - probably 4-5 different groups of folks heading up.  It was so nice to get outside on this holiday off work and get into nature. I swear it's medicinal to my mind as well as body. I am getting stronger every time we hike and that makes me feel great. We are in "basic training" for our big 4-day Inca Trail hike in only 113 days and counting...

Over the white rocks, climbing higher. 
Loved the snow-capped mountains.

There she is - getting closer...

Now we're really hiking - and getting into some
rock scrambling as we tried to choose which
trails to follow - there were interesting choices...

Notice how high up we are - look where the white rocks are!
A little too "edgy" for my taste...but still we pushed on!

This is as far up as we went.  The clouds were really starting to come
in ON us and were bitterly cold - full of rain we supposed.  There was
NO way we wanted to hike DOWN this scrambly mess in the rain!
You can see Turtlehead Peak right there!!!!!

Aaahhhh, a shoe picture to show how far up we hiked (notice white rocks). 
Gained about 1200-1500 feet in elevation. 
We hadn't met a single soul on this hike up to this point.
Notice the mountains in the distance with the beautiful clouds.  We were cloud-level.
Nice, quiet time in nature - medicinal.

My Valentine

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL WHO ARE IN LOVE, WHO HAVE EVER BEEN IN LOVE, AND TO ALL WHO HOPE TO BE IN LOVE ONE DAY......blah, blah, blah!!!!!!!
Aaaahhhhh, LOVE is in the air.  Vases of red roses are popping up everywhere, enormous stuffed animals are balancing on the shelves, rows and rows of sappy red and pink cards are lining the aisles, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates beckon every person as they walk by.  It's that "oh-so-special" holiday created by the greeting card companies and retailers - to make men feel guilted into buying their sweethearts all the above listed crap as a token of their everlasting love and devotion!   But I'm sure IF you have a man in your life, just the fact that he remembered to so SOMETHING for you is probably enough - treasure it. 

I am fortunate to have my very own Valentine.  Every year, a small vase of flowers and a sweet card is strategically left on my coffee table on or near Valentine's Day.  I have the best DAD in the world.  For years and years he has snuck into my house leaving a simple gift so that I don't feel 'left out' on this love-filled holiday.  I have always been tickled that he does this and am so grateful for his insight and wisdom.   This year, I happened to be home when he tried to break into my casa.  He came in and we enjoyed a nice visit for over an hour.   My dad is the most brave, humble, optimist you'll ever meet.  He's so optimistic about his fight with this crappy cancer and how his body is slowing down on him.  He's still got his great sense of humor and is up to his next task of helping find me a hubby...on the other side!  I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness and love.  Everyone should be so lucky to have a valentine like mine!

Oh-so-creative!
I got crafty this afternoon (before my 5 mile walk with Loralee around a new park).  A friend brought these to work on Friday and I decided to recreate them for visiting teaching gifts this week.  It's a brownie-covered OREO!  You dip an oreo cookie into brownie batter and then put it into a cupcake tin.  They are super delicious!  And soooooo NOT healthy!   It's amazing to me how many different ways you can make yummilicious things and how they are NEVER any healthier for you!  Try it out!  You know you want to!

Tales from the Dark Side

I am, indeed, alive.  I had some further complications (from the experience dictated in the last post) but am relieved to say I have recovered from both Typhoid AND Yellow Fever.   All that and never having left Las Vegas, baby!  I made it to work Monday, but by 2:30 I had hit my limit and got extremely exhausted - 2 friends drove me home due to my reflexes being slowed down.  I canceled the class I teach at night and didn't hear ANY complaints!!  Tuesday, I made it all the way until 10am and threw in the towel, waved the white flag in surrender, and called it quits. I stayed home for 2 days just resting, feeling guilty for missing work, and getting very little accomplished except laying around feeling sorry for my stupid self!  My doctor actually called me Tuesday evening to check up on me and told me to take it easy a few days more as the vaccinations worked their course.  I'm happy to say I not only made it through work on Thurs and Fri, but I was actually semi-productive!!  It feels good to be back on my feet and have my brain functioning as good as it ever did before....

One of the things I really missed for a week was WALKING and exercising.  It felt good to get out hiking yesterday - we did the 6-mile White Rock loop at RedRock and couldn't have asked for more beautiful weather or conditions.  Linda brought her hiking backpack that she plans on using in Peru just to try out hiking with the weight on her back.  I think it's WAAYYY to early to do that!!!  But she made it just fine (her and her Minnie Mouse red gloves!)  We did the 6 miles of elevation gains and losses in about 3 hours - hiking at a steady quick pace the entire way.  It was great exercise and validation that we're getting better and better prepared for our big hike this summer.

Lastly, I had to come home to get a talk ready for church today - on SERVICE.  I always know that when I accept an assignment like this, that I will have a trying time the week before in preparation.  Things can be going very well for weeks, until I have to prepare a talk or lesson.  Then I get all tempted, worried, self-doubting, etc. until it's over.  Anyway, service is something that you grow into and develop different levels of.  I thought of the "3 degrees of service:"
1.  Bachelor's degree - serving out of duty, the Golden Rule stuff, something on our 'to do' list, etc.
2.  Master's degree - serving with compassion, being your 'brother's keeper,' losing yourself, praying for someone and then going to work to serve them - not just lip service, etc.
3.  Doctoral degree - serving out of gratitude for Christ - being His hands to serve like he served, highest form of worship and hardest to attain
"Life is no spiritual picnic.  Not one of us wants this journey to be a brief flirtation with spirituality or even a notable finite chapter.  The road of discipleship is not for the spiritually faint of heart." (Anderson)
"Often it is in simple acts that confirm divine love and awareness." (Christofferson)
"We build relationships one person at a time - by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents." (Uchtdorf)
"True charity is love in action." (Monson)

I guess it wasn't that bad - the best part was having my dad come and sit by the back door.  He kept smiling and winking at me before and during the talk.  I don't think he's heard me give a talk since my homecoming talk 17 years ago.  I hope I did him proud!

Just another Bad Hair Day!

Well, I finally have an interesting story to tell.  It's a "hoot" (according to Brit).  Sit back and enjoy this one...

Background Info:  On Tuesday, Carolyn and I took the day off to go to the Health Dept for our travel immunizations.  I got Hep A and B, Typhoid, Yellow Fever, and had them throw in a Flu Shot as a free bonus.  Then we had an enjoyable day, meeting my dad for lunch, going to REI to look at hiking gear, etc.  I've felt fine - except for a sore arm - since.

Friday morning:  I got to school and was running around doing my usual 'teacher-huntdown' to give them things for testing and found myself getting slightly lightheaded.  So I sat down, then put my head between my knees, and after a few seconds, decided to try and make it back to my room so if I passed out, it would be in the privacy of my own room!  I made it as far as the library and sat down in a comfy rocking chair.  Gina, who was with me, started to get worried, as did I when I realized I was shaking somewhat.  She went and got Barbara, our nurse who HAPPENED to be there (she isn't usually on Fridays).  She took my blood pressure with her little equipment and it was sky-high.  So, they wheel-chaired me to the nurse's office and called the paramedics down the street. 

Fire Dept Paramedics:  In about 2 minutes, the office was filled with 2 companies of paramedics - the Fire Dept ones took care of me first and everything turned out just fine - blood sugar, blood pressure, temperature, heart monitor - I was beginning to think I was crazy.  It was then that I told them that the only thing different was the fact I had gotten those vaccinations 3 days prior.  When Cherese busted her way into the nurse's office and leapt over their bags to come sit right next to me, I felt much calmer.  It's funny how you can feel so alone and slightly 'scared' one moment, and the proximity of a friend can take some of that away.  I refused to go to the hospital (I wasn't DYING!) and promised I'd go to my doctor.  Then the boys left (here's how out of it I was...I didn't even 'check out' the boys!  I always do!!!!)
Ambulance Company:  An obvious butch "girl who likes girls" steps forward and bashes on the fire dept boys and says she had more questions because they weren't letting her see the numbers on the monitors, etc.  Then she had the audacity to call me OLD - 39 is NOT old!!!!!   She was all bossy and snooty - in front of her trainee - telling me something could really be wrong with either my heart or brain and that she really wanted to take me to the hospital.  I told her to go take a flying leap...in so many words.  Later, in the car, my boss asked me if that was a BOY or a GIRL because she was so confused - enough said, but the rest of that conversation was hysterical and we won't let her live that one down!
The phone call:  My boss had somehow gotten my cell phone and after showing her how to unlock it (another comedic moment), she called my doctor's office.  I told her that it was a 50-50 chance she'd get a 'bitchy' reception and to throw around my name anyway.  All I heard was my boss getting 'strong' with her on the phone and ended with "I will be bringing her into the office in FIVE MINUTES!"  I looked over at Cherese and said "Don't leave me with her - COME WITH ME!"  So fortunately, she did - she went to find my purse/keys and hers as well and followed us up to Dr. Forte's office.  I was WELL taken care of from the few staff who were involved and am so grateful for them!

The office Visit:  I didn't have to wait too long before getting called back.  I was feeling much better then, except for some vertigo was still throwing me off.  They did an EKG - everything was normal, of course.  I reported all my normal results from the paramedics.  Dr. Forte came in and spent a good 20 minutes with me, beginning with "I just got a strong talking-to from your boss about my office staff."  I was MORTIFIED!  I told her she was very worried and apologized.  She spent time looking up the vaccinations side-effects and low and behold, vertigo-ish stuff was a side effect of 2 of them.  So that's what we're going with - a Vertigo episode.  She checked me out really well and gave me a dramomine-type pill to take with an order to be driven home and go to bed to sleep it off, but to not be left alone.   While waiting for the phlebotemist to draw some blood, I had the nurse go get Cherese and Dr. M. to keep me company, since they hadn't heard from me for about an hour.  Cherese was great, until the needles came out - she ended up "cowering" in the corner until it was done.  Poor girl - what a trooper.  I'm sure it will turn out all good - no worries on my part.

Home Sweet Home:  I got dropped off (my boss had been driving my car - scooted the seat WAY far up!)  with orders to get upstairs and into bed.  Kristi arrived and climbed in bed with me and took care of me for the afternoon and into the evening.  What a great sista!  My dad came over to visit (I was dozing off by then) and was nice enough to go get a prescription filled.  Cherese called in the afternoon to check on me and talked with Kristi- I was pretty much in la-la land by then.  Loralee stopped by later that evening to go to the gym...surprise - not going!  And Shan came over to check on me on her way home from class and moved my car into the garage for me.  It's nice to be cared for sometimes, ya know?  Maybe letting people know you need them pans out...there's a new thought!  Usually, I'd just die alone in my bed until I felt better myself.  Hmmm.

Grateful for all the helping
hands to get me back on
my feet!

The day after:  I woke up this morning after a LONG fitful sleep feeling just fine.  I was picked up by a friend from work to go out to Henderson for a workshop and was thankful to not have any issues besides the beginnings of a headache again.  I took it easy the rest of the day, laughing on the phone with Cherese about all the funny things that happened, and later enjoying a visit from Shan about funny things that happened in her class she taught today.  I have been overly exhausted this afternoon/evening and plan to head to bed early.  My brain has more or less caught up with my eyes now so it doesn't make me crazy to look around anymore.  I think the brunt of it is over - I can't wait for the exhaustion to disappear.  Just glad to have a number of funny moments/stories to recount from here on out!  It's with HUMOR that made this day less mortifying and embarrassing. 

Besides being slightly embarrassed to show back up at work, what I'm most ticked off about this whole experience is.....I had to take a SICK DAY off work - that screws me up for getting 4 personal days next year!  That means something to me!  Aaarrrggghhhh!  But I'm very thankful for my good health and for people around me who care - friends, family, coworkers, doctor.  I am truely blessed.

To Talk or NOT to Talk...Is it really a question???

OK, so this evening I went to the temple as I'm trying to do more frequently this year.  I hit great traffic, listened to a great talk on CD on the long drive, and when I got into the chapel, it was empty.  Just me and the great organ music - I love that...sometimes if I get there too late to just sit and listen to the music, I'll move over to the next session's side so I can have some calm, peaceful, quiet time with the music.  So, as 3-4 other people started milling in, it was still nice and quiet...UNTIL little older lady comes in and sits down in the very back and begins "whispering" to a man.  She "whispered" for 15 minutes and I kept looking back giving my "hey lady, shut up" face...but the nicer version, 'cause I was in the temple, but she must have been blind.  The usher lady did NOTHING.  (I wanted to turn her in for negligence - I told Gail later on when I saw her.)  Finally, I couldn't concentrate with my thoughts, with the music, with reading...nothing.  So, I calmly walked back to Sister Chatty-Cathy and let her know that we could ALL hear her entire LONG conversation and would she mind stepping out into the hallway so the rest of us could do what we came here to do - have some quiet time!  She was all apologetic and stopped talking.  By the time I went back to where I was sitting, she had started up again, quieter for about 15 seconds, and then was pretty much back to her volume of comfort.  I gave up.  I wouldn't sit by her in the session (there were only 9 ladies anyway - lots of room).

People need to realize that their 'whisper' voice has noisy "s" sounds and it's completely annoying in the temple, especially in the contemplating areas.  A few weeks ago, a similar thing happened when 2 people met up behind me and subsequently began a conversation about there the best place to get a new car battery is and who could install it.  Seriously - why did you come to the temple?  To bother those of us who are too quiet for you?????  So, Next time you're tempted to go and hold an entirely inappropriate conversation, please be kind enough to use sign language or go outside or in the hall and have the decency to let those who came with things on their mind have the peace and quiet they drove 30 minutes in rush hour traffic to find.  Period.  End of story.  And that's how I feel about that!